queer ultimatum s2 and reunion thoughts
can't let vogue.com have all of my little lists, now can i?
mel’s hair………..is greasy. and yet, mel’s hair is her power? like, i do not want to see this self-described aspiring stay-at-home masc with a clean pixie cut or whatever the fuck. i need her pushing a curtain of lank curls out of her eyes while she avoids the wrathful gaze of her ex.
speaking of said ex: MARIE! babe! i know you’re angry and bitter and you lost your relationship (with…mel, though, so idk, you’re probably better off), and the FOOD TRUCK, but why are you litigating everyone else’s relationship? let joanna garcia swisher do what she’s—at best—soft-ok at doing, pls!
marita, you gorgeous shiny mermaid of a toxic femme, you cannot be screaming at your gamestop-employee-dressing-ass void of an ex that you fucking hate her and you don’t care that her grandma is dying. to be clear, idc about ashley either, but i need you to hang onto the powerful femme-alliance goodwill that you and britney so painstakingly built!
britney, my baby, my beautiful girlboss britney…………i hope your relationship lasts, is all i will say. but if you get tired of dating a whiny instagram-therapy-infographic-speaker who refers to themself in the third person, maybe give it another try with marita? no, there’s assuredly no chemistry there, but you did her lip liner! that means something!
britney’s rabbit: why didn’t we see more of you on the show, diva? come out and play!
dayna……………………….
anyway!
magan and pilar, i am SO happy that your families of origin are starting to come around and embrace your queerness. good for you, gays!
is kyle on t? bc they’re looking good as hell
i know who made bridget’s reunion suit! it was sweaterhex! and i loved it!
back to dayna now that i’ve cooled down. D may stand for Dayna, but it also stands for Damage Control, which is what this girl was unleashing the second she saw herself onscreen and realized she had lost the audience (and possibly her gf) by being manipulative and rude as hell all the time. i wanted to love dayna out of plain and simple big titty alliance! we were all rooting for you! but sadly, it was not to be.
haley went from being a real “who?” to me to being sort of a stariana by the reunion, maybe bc she got dicked over in suuuuch a relatable way by magan (very “my mom says i can’t play with you anymore” vibes) and seemed to handle it in a reasonably mature way?
would that i could go back in time and see marita perform on the st petersburg, florida pride main stage this year
mel and marita cohosted a watch event in boston apparently? as if that city weren’t hard enough for dykes already!
jk, jk, marita i love you! mel i can’t seem to quit you despite the fact that you suck, maybe bc your ex marie reminds me of this bitch from middle school who used to bully me for never having my homework done (and, unrelated, would shave off all her arm hair starting in fifth grade. not her underarm hair, her ARM hair. and she was BLONDE!)
someone do an eater story about mel and marie’s food truck and how it was brought down by lesbian beef (many such cases) (this joke is funnier if it was a vegan food truck, though i have no specific reason to think it was)
credit where it’s due, watching marie order for aj early in the season in peak “i work in food service” form was hot
im obsessed w britney’s business vitaluxx, which is definitely by design, as my friend jett pointed out (why else would they mention it by name so much?), but i do kind of get why aj is so gagged! britney is 27 years old and a whole-ass RN and business owner! i’m 31 and free bleeding into a pair of shorts i don’t even own!
it’s been said, but: joanna garcia swisher, retire bitch.
then again, it is PEAK gay to have a random straight woman involve herself in your shit for no apparent reason!
i miss mal.
currently watching: see above
currently reading: big swiss (giving it a second try!) and my friend aisha muharrar’s extremely fun and poignant debut novel "loved one”, which is out this august!
currently feeling: sick, but not as sick as i was yesterday, when a simple masked errand exhausted me to the point where i had to sleep for five hours during the day and be mean to rax while we (okay, he) packed the car for joshua tree. now we’re here, though, with three dogs to watch, and i feel a lot better! and we’re getting bbq for lunch! fuck america, let’s help each other!
xoxo,
emma