one time at the movies
i’ve been thinking about this time when i left work early and went to the movies, just like don draper.
it was maybe 4pm and i was working in dumbo, and to be fair, i’d probably logged on that morning at 8, so technically i’d put in eight solid hours, but that’s not how jobs work. anyway, it was some chunk of time where my boss was away and we were all fleeing like cockroaches when someone turns a light on, as early as possible.
i took the elevator down to the ground floor of my building, walked outside, took a lyft to alamo drafthouse and saw “the favourite.” the amount of things in that sentence that are now off-limits is kind of astounding—already, i can’t believe how many times i found myself rudderless and cranky on busy new york streets, when i’d give anything to be on one right now.
i was literally the only person in the theater that day. i sat through “the favourite” and started to get restless, the way i tend to in movies, even gay ones. i took an long, urgent work call halfway through—in the lobby, just in case i’d somehow missed another moviegoer in the audience—and by the time i got back, nothing in the movie made sense anymore. (i can’t remember what was so “urgent,” but i think it had something to do with legal clearances, which, in my experience with digital media are both 100% the most vital thing in the world and also kind of not a thing?)
i only distantly remember sitting in that theater, in the dark, alone, drinking a glass of rose and eating fries, i think. it was one of a hundred movie trips i’ve had in new york: the time rebecca and i saw “do the right thing” at bam and biked to washington commons after, the time gavin and i saw “dog day afternoon” (also at bam) and i realized the guy i was seeing was never going to give a shit about about me, the time at—you guessed it—bam when a girl and i saw a claire denis film on a first date that wasn’t fated to lead to a second one.
i like to say i’m not sure when i decided to leave la, but i think it was the night i saw “lady bird” alone at the arclight hollywood. i watched lady bird surrounded on the streets of new york and then i walked to my car alone, thinking that if i was back in new york, there would be people everywhere. even at 11pm. in new york, i told myself, my loneliness would be background noise, not a siren. and as it turns out, i was mostly right.
weirdly, seeing movies—with people or alone—isn’t even my favorite thing. as i mentioned, my mind tends to wander, and not being able to check my phone makes me jumpy, and movie food is a whole-ass trigger, and i have to pee a lot, and i’m vaguely afraid of an active shooter the entire time. so why do i miss them so much?
maybe it’s because going to the movies is the ultimate way of being “alone, together.” (yes, that sounds like the title of an instantly canceled sitcom…….and i just googled it, and it literally is. anyway.) when you’re at the movies, you’re decidedly not alone, but you’re not responsible for smiling and nodding and being a good time: even when you’re literally at the movies alone, in a theater that’s empty on every side of you, you’re still part of something.
all this to say, i’m really hoping the drive-thru cinemas near me open up soon, because i didn’t realize until right now how much i want to watch what other people are watching.