a gift guide for emma

i've seen a lot of these but not one tailored to My Needs yet........interesting

it’s almost chrismukkah, which means i’m sure you’re dragging yourself all over town trying to find just the right gift to strike my fancy and delight me this holiday season. to you i say: stop it! stay home! relax! it’s very cold out, particularly in nyc (where i happen to be right now) and mother is here to reassure you about exactly what i want. there have been soooooo many gift guides for everyone—mothers, daughters, aunts, girlfriends, random girlinas you kind of know—but until now, there hasn’t been one for emmas. that ends today! below, find everything i want for xmas/hanukkah, and if anyone i love happens to see this list and buy me stuff, well, that’s nice :)

1. cult gaia perfume, $228

   

   i live with a well-known Scents Guy who has some of the world’s best smells compiled on our coffee table, so maybe it’s natural that this would eventually rub off on me. i took one whiff of my colleague’s cult gaia perfume at work today and fell in LURV, not just with the clean, lemongrass-y scent but with the whimsical and wonderful little bottle. so cute so fun!

2. larroude gold heels, $330

   

   i have a stunning gold vintage dress i plan to wear either to my stepsister’s wedding or to her and her fiancee’s NYE party the next night, and i’ve already purchased heels of a much more sensible height (discount ferragamo, though, y’all) to go with it, but can you imagine how much cunt i would serve in these gold larroude baddies? it would be off the charts.

3. le puzz top dog 1000 piece puzzle, $38

   

   there’s only one dog that lives at my house currently, and i, for one, think he would benefit greatly from a puzzle that shows him the wide variety of other pups out there (and how much they all enjoy cake.) this puzzle would also be good for my motor skills! and i am a developing baby so we should all be worried about my motor skills

4. susan alexandra asparagus menorah, $348

   

   sometimes i am asked what “kind” of jew i am, which is a weird question (anti-zionist? ashkenazi? guilty? all true), but the answer is: the kind who wants a susan alexandra asparagus menorah, in spite of the price and the fact that i will never remember to tell the little girls on the subway that i’m jewish and thus will never have shabbat candles.

5. missoni giacomo robe, $307

   

this is sadly sold out in my size (2xl), but tbh, i’d want a 3xl; all the better to swim in it and to luxuriously let the fabric pool around you when you get out of the bath and back into bed, my dear!

6. a donation of any amount to Middle East Children’s Alliance

   

   whoops, this one’s real. free palestine and happy holidays, besties! xoxo